Some things that make me laugh being a RN (no particular order, a list in progress):
Yes, it does look infected to me. Go see your doctor.
No, I cannot get you any “good drugs” for your backache or your sore throat from my work.
I&D (incision and drainage) is not the same as sticking a straight pin in an infected sore and squeezing the “goop” out (even if the needle was “sterilized by burning it”).
Yes, that rash looks bad – no, I don’t want to feel it. Go to a doctor.
No, I don’t recommend self-diagnosis by using WebMD.
It may surprise you, but not all nurses know each other, and thus, I do not know your cousin Sally who is a nurse in Tennessee.
You have 14 tattoos, but you are queasy at the idea of getting a shot in the arm?
I am a nurse, not a concierge service during your hospital stay.
No, I do not watch Grey’s Anatomy.
Did you know you are not the ONLY patient I have today? If you aren’t seeing much of me today, be thankful your condition doesn’t warrant it. The guy down the hall who lost 2 limbs, got 8 units of blood, and has an infection, also needs my care. Please be patient.
Your birthing plan, though signed by your doctor, is more of a suggestion than a list of demands used to hold the entire L&D department at your mercy because you feel it is a doctor’s order.
Everyone on staff has a list of things to get done while on shift, none of which entails herding your children from our hallways.
That doctor is hard to work with because of religious differences: He thinks he’s God and I disagree.