Morning Commute

iworkwithTime to start the day.
You have played your battle of wits and nerves with the alarm clock and it’s glitch called the “snooze button”. You realize that if you did it too long, the alarm clock will just give up and you … well you the victor are now the idiot who is running late to work.

  • Pants? check
  • Shirt? Check
  • Socks? They don’t match but your feet will be warm, Check.
  • Feed the cat.. can’t forget to feed the cat
  • Car keys? Check
  • Laptop bag? Check
  • Grab your morning coffee? Check


and Away we go.
First thing you notice is the neighbor across the street has guests over and they are parked in the street, making your morning back up, a bit of a task. No problem, I’ve got this. Nope… okay pull up a little and turn the wheel now back up while turning wheel the other way (and repeat).
You pull to the end of the street and stop at the stop sign and wait for the cars to pass, so you sip your coffee. Bitter but after a couple of sips you normally begin to enjoy it. Okay your break is coming up. After this car. Why is he slowing down? Is he turning? no… He’s going.. .. awe man, he’s going to stop right in fricken front of you. If the crazy guy on the corner would cut those stupid bushes you would see that there is a long line, waiting on the red light that never sympathizes. Well okay. Another sip of that dang coffee. Probably not enough time to change the radio or flick around facebook on the phone, so just sip that coffee. Oh good they’re moving now, but here comes a new herd of “back of the neighborhood cattle”, just in time to park in front of you again. That’s fine just back up before this guy coming down the road blocks you in, you can always leave at the other end of the street. You turn around and look in your mirror. The guy never even stopped at the sign. They just let him shoot right through.
Okay, on the main road now.
Three open lanes Nice plush ride in the dark. Woo hoo. I’ll just move over one lane for this guy that just pulled out. Plenty of road for both of us. Nope he’s a racer. Why is this guy speeding up? Okay I will slow down and set cruise control and let this guy go. Must be in a hurry or something.Hmm. Wonder why he decided to slow down and ride right next to me. Maybe something’s wrong with my car and he’s over there freaking out trying to get my attention. Better turn down the radio and stare at the gauges for a second. Just a tad too dark out to see anything going on in that car, but really. I don’t see any smoke in my rear view, no extra sounds from the car. Gauges look the same as the other days. What the heck? What’s that glow in his car? Oh… He’s texting and staying next to me to maintain speed. Nice.

HAHAHAHAHA. Freaked that one out..

On with the show.

Make it to the freeway, see every SUV in the city gathered together making wall of slow fat vehicles preventing people from doing 5 over the speed limit of greater. Well okay.. one more suv.. he must really want to get with the heard of little fat men and soccer moms because he sure is ridding my bumper.
Just a mile to go before interchange to move to the toll-road for the commute. And traffic is slowed to a crawl. 10 minutes go by and you have passed the NOTHING what-so-ever that was slowing traffic down. Whatever. but why every single day/ why is it such a confusing task to move from freeway to toll road?

Get to toll booth after a few sips between roll forward, stop roll forwards, and toss change in the machine and roll on. Now comes the “first” race to get a lane as the road merges together. Cool now coming up on the section where the  road opens up to 6 lanes. Time to pass this new heard of SUVs  cluttered together.

Now you wonder if you should get off the tollroad before the next interchange and work your way through the neighborhoods to the spot you need, or go past then exit and u-turn. Screw u-turns.

Now is about the time you remember your lunch sitting on the counter thawing out . Well the cat’s going to eat well today.

Man, this side of the city, the right turn lane doesn’t mean anything here.
Stop in the store right before the office, and grab your breakfast pastry and redbull or rockstar or monster or whatever it is you drink  just before lunch to give yourself jitters. walk up to pay and notice that you are 15 people back. Seems the local lawn care crew is there in 4 trucks.  Seriously, a bunch of dudes under 5’7″ should not be wearing light blue shirts with white writing. and yes the guy with the white beard really makes you wish one was a blond girl. Man I want to buy these guys white hats.
Finally leaving the store 2 minutes from the office and already 7 minutes late.
And someone let the herd out. Jeez. Stores should be further away from red lights.

Made it to the office, worked way through crowd of people who you work with but will never know but for some reason they always stand RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE DOOR to talk in the mornings. Start coffee because none of these people feel like they are allowed to, or just can’t figure out water and crush black stuff.

Half way through eating your breakfast pastry you finally take a look to see why it tastes so weird.

Okay day is off to a great start. It’s better than yesterday at least.

Just another day late to work

Go figure. I see a long line waiting for the red light. Can’t see around the huge monstrosity of a gas guzzler vehicle in front of me, I am far left. Some guy wants in from the middle lane. He of course is in a massive vehicle that has a super slow take off.
Traffic in my lane starts cruising. I get up and see there was an accident, tow trucks and police everywhere. My lane is wide open. Officer steps in my way and tells me to stop.
I am the first to have to wait until the pick up truck, wedged between two polls is pulled out. Sad thing is. He was pushed into there by another vehicle that is already on a flatbed tow truck.
I was running early. Turned out. I was ten minutes late.

Morning Coffee

The Coffee In My Office Sucks! mug

Every morning you wake up (If you’re lucky). Every morning you get dressed and head to work (If you are lucky). Half way to work you stop and grab your morning coffee. Then you head back to work. When you get to work after the commute, you sit at your desk and start your day sipping your coffee reading your emails and reminding yourself what project you left off  with yesterday.

If you’re lucky.

What really happens.

Alarm goes off, you get up hit the snooze and crawl back in bed. Finally you get up head to the shower. Drop the soap. Drop the soap again this time it’s outside the tub. Now the soap is covered in hair. You get out of the shower. Walk to your room, cat screams at you for treats. Pudgy fricken cat. You do the dance of ninjas to prevent cat hair on your clean pants. All the while listening to it scream for treats. You toss treats in the cat’s bowl so it does not follow you out as you leave. Get in your car and scoot to the stop sign only to turn the corner and sit at the world’s least fair red-light. Pull out on the street who’s speed limit changes from 35 to 45 and back down to 35 over and over in  a 6 mile stretch. The stretch with more cops on it than any 10 streets in the area.  Yep the guy in front of you has his cruise control set at 40. You can’t pass him in the 45 zone, because he will just pass you at the next 35 zone only to have you pass him again.

You make it to the coffee shop parking lot. Every self righteous jerk in town is there waiting for the perfect parking spot. Does not matter what spot you want. They all want it. You park at the place next door to avoid an aggravated door ding from the dork who had to unwillingly park one space over from the perfect spot. You walk to door. You notice the door race. What I mean by the door race is, well there are two races. There is the “me first” race and there is the ” Oh My god that door weighs 90000 lbs I will get there in time for you to hold the door for me then I will be first in line” race. So here you stand in line behind the old lady you held the door for. She is counting her pennies and telling stories of when she used to be a teacher to the “Barista” and making sure the guy/gal listens instead of making the coffee like they need to be. ” Oh honey you just need to relaxe, the coffee will be made the people will drink it and everything will be ok, life’s to short to stress over coffee”. You order your coffee . You get your coffee. It took less than 20 seconds. YEAH! You make your way to the cream depot and there is a fricken mosh pit. The old lady ex teacher is there at the front with her 50 gallon purse taking up one side of the table. She finally is done with her mix. Oops she dribbled a bit on the counter. 3 minutes go by as she is cleaning up a droplet and small grain of sugar. You chunk cream in your cup walk out stirring the coffee with the lid in your mouth.

You need to take a right out of the parking lot. Not one single car on the road to stop you from taking a right. Well of course except for the teacher granny. She is taking a left and she is waiting for the car on the right that is 1/4 mile away. Finally she is gone but someone opened up and let the cows out. You are not getting out on that road because your lane is now full of traffic. And there is some p%^$#k behind you letting into his horn.

Right you are on the road now. Doing speed limit fine. You notice you are approaching a little white car who might be doing less than the speed limit. You go to pass him and now it’s a race. You find yourself doing 15 over the speed limit. So you slow down. The clown is now slowing down with you. You look over and see it’s a woman putting on makeup. She apparently is using you to judge her speed while she does this. If she stays next to you she should be fine… Right?  She sooo could poke her eye out like that. So you hit your brakes a little hard to make her hit hers. You then gun it and cruise on down the road.

Red lights are not in your favor today. Every slow freak on the road who is in the other lane, sees that you are far back enough that they can jump in your lane and be the first at the red light. Only to do 10 under the speed limit. Totally cancels out anything that person thought they were achieving by being first off the light. You look down while at the light, and see that your coffee cup lid sucks and you have a bit of coffee on your console.Yep you used the last of the napkins last time this happened. You have nothing but a hat you don’t wear.

Park your car and walk to the door. And here we are again with the local door races again. You stop, step aside, and let everyone pile into the building while you sit there and finally get a sip of your coffee. You walk toward the elevator only to see all of the people you let go first, hitting the close button on the elevator. You wait 4 seconds because you didn’t want to ride with those selfish freaks anyway. Now here comes the new herd of office buffalo wanting to ride your button mashing skills. That’s cool, The hot chick from the second floor is in this mesh of people. Of course she stands no where near you on the elevator though. And she is on her cell phone with her kid? or moron boytoy…. Who knows….. but they do not seem to have a job, since they are talking about finding the tv remote and what time wheel of fortune comes on.

You make it to your desk and hit the start button on your pc and click on your monitor. You are relieved to be at work. You sip your coffee and drip a tad on your new white shirt. You get an email that says you have about 20 minutes to be at a meeting upstairs. You are short noticed that you will be giving the presentation. and all you can think about is that stupid brown dot on your shirt.

You open your email again and the server times out. Clearly someone sent you a honking massive file. You leave the email open and let it do it’s thing while you head off to the meeting. That all goes as suspected. You talked a lot about your new brown dot. Make it to your desk and see that someone from the office sent you some video they thought was funny. Hence the massive server issue and the timing out of the email. For the life of you, you can not remember what it was you had been working on the day before. The continuous  pop ins to the office of passerby people who have their words of wit typically some weird statement while making a gun shape with their fingers [I don’t care what the boss says, I think you’re alright] or some other phrase that if you haven’t heard a million times by now, you just got out of a coma , really makes the task of remembering a bit harder.
Bing! lunch time.

You walk next door to the sandwich shop. Again the races are on. and get your favorite stale bread sandwich and suddenly you remember that what you were working on was your speech for today’s 6am meeting, that you already had. and winged it.

You get upstairs to your desk eat your sandwich while the office coffee machine is brewing it’s black ink that you prepared. Finish your sandwich to walk over there and turn on a new batch of coffee, since everyone chugged the other batch you just made. This time you wait in the breakroom. While waiting some dill hole comes in and starts a conversation with you while holding the handle of the coffee pot waiting for it to dispense enough coffee into the pot for him to pour the strongest part of the batch into his cup. You try to explain to the guy that he will be assuring that the rest of the coffee will now be weak, but he either doesn’t get it, or he doesn’t care. I assume we can call him carelessly stupid. Of course his hand is still on the coffee pot handle.

Now you are next door getting coffee from the sandwich shop.

You have made it back up stairs 15 minutes late back from lunch. You sit at your desk and get a page to help someone with their computer. You make it back to your desk and feel like you have forgotten something. Where is your coffee? Ok trek back to the chubby chick’s office and get your coffee. Nope. she trashed it. because she didn’t know who’s it could be.

Start another pot of coffee, run to your desk and print out your latest experiment you want to show the boss, while the coffee brews. Get to the printer only to find that one of the people in collections saw what you had printed and was so confused by it  they thought it was a joke so they crumpled it up and threw it in the trash.

Grab coffee cup and rinse it and pour yourself some charred greasy ink blotted coffee that is so greasy it has a rainbow in it, into your cup. You thought you would outsmart the dude who likes his coffee strong; by making this next pot way strong, so that the rest of the coffee won’t be so weak. He seems to not be in the office right now.

Now everyone is upset because the coffee stinks and tastes bad.

You get in the elevator, get in your car, get in traffic wishing the car would finally cool off, you get home and can’t understand why you are so tired.

You have had a day that turned into a coffee quest. When actually the coffee was to be a perk in the first place.