I.T. work and delusional customer requests

Sometimes people make some wild requests and get mad at you when you try and be rational with them.

Weird request:
customer: Yeah I want a computer that is a computer but not a computer but not a tablet because I don’t like them and I have enough laptops.
Me: I believe I am capable of providing you with what you require can you give a bit more detail?
customer: Sure. I want a computer that is there but you don’t see it and it able to do everything I need.
Me: Sure we can hide your computer like in a closet or something. What types of duties will this computer do that you need done?
customer: Everything.
Me: that sounds like you are very busy. Let me pass this on to our builders and I will get back to you with a quote.

Never call them back.

Email request
customer: I want my email to synch with everything.
Me: Everything? like what?
customer: Everything. and I want everything on my website to synch with my cell phone
Me: well that would be quite stressful on your battery
customer: So you are saying you can’t do it?
Me: no not saying that at all. Can you give me a list of things on your website you want to synch with your phone? I can start an RSS feed for you right away
customer: you know, the office alarm, excell,photoshop. Things of that nature
Me: you have photoshop on your website? That is quite impressive. How big is your phone???

Website request
customer: I want Microsoft exchange type service but not Microsoft exchange because it is too costly
Me: well there are plenty of open source solutions that should be less costly. What features in particular are you looking for?
customer: All of them. I want my calendar to sync with my phone email and my contacts to sync with my phone contacts
Me: well you don’t want your phone and email contacts to sync because that would be a lot of names to weed through
customer: oh so you’re saying you can’t do it? XXX company could do it.
me: well that’s not what I said sure I’ll get started right away.
several days later
customer: Hey why are there so many contacts in my phone now?
Me:……….

Virus Hunter
Me: I’ve had to disable your email from the server end while I scan your computer and the server to find out why you keep sending out so many email
customer: That’s fine, I will just send emails from my phone
Me: Well no, your account is disabled.
customer: I never gave you access to my phone, so I can still use it right? There shouldn’t be a virus on it, it’s an iPhone and I only surf using Chrome.
Me: Well that sounds safe enough…..

Every issue ever
customer: This never happens, I’m careful.

Password Persuasion
(over the phone)
Customer: Hey I.T. IT!!! HEY IT!! What did you change my password to?
Me: PassWord1 P is capitalized W is capitalized.
Customer: ok hang on the phone while I check
Me: That’s your password. it has no choice but to work
Customer: p-a-s-s-w-o-r-d-1-P-W
Me: no….. Hang on… I’m on my way…..

Downside of Tech Guy Jobs

I have found myself stressed out by the one job I love. I love techy stuff. I love every aspect of the work. But I do not like getting around other I.T. people. These people have to argue about every single thing they can . If you say gravity keeps me grounded, they will look for some technical way of turning your wittiest comment into a dead joke.

Fellow I.T. people, is a joke of a statement in it’s self.  They will never work with anyone. They just want you to give them the whole job and go away before you screw the whole thing up with your idocity. yeah… my word. They will refuse to come to you know matter how long they have to work on something to get it done. I on the other hand know that I am at work and will be willing to cut the time in half by asking for clue in an area  I am unfamiliar with, or have forgotten due to practical obsoletion.

I can almost work with any I.T. guy because I am not competitive with my hobbies. I am only competitive with labor. and yes I call Tech a hobby because that is all it will ever be to me. If I get paid for my hobby, then that’s just right out awesome. If I get paid good for it, then that’s just amazing.

Never answer a tech guy’s question with words. Never put anything in writing. It will be scrutinized to the core of the very last letter of each word. So just show them by doing, and move on.

Downside Of Being I.T. Guy at Work

All I.T. guys know this. So if you do not know this, then you are a new I.T. guy, or not an I.T. guy. Lol remember this, it means nothing in the end. okay? Keep a sense of humor.

No business can run on just one I.T. guy. This is a job that requires a difference of opinion. This can be stressful for each I.T. person. There will be conflicts. The other I.T. person(s) can be your best friend(s). It will not matter. You will have the dumbest arguments and geekiest disputes that makes no sense to anyone but you and the others in your field. Everyone around you who does not do what you do, will most likely be laughing at just how pointless your disagreement really sounds. The rest of the people in the office do not care if you are talking about upgrading or updating a burned out server that crashes every time someone uses a file greater than 10mb. That is until it crashes for a 10mb file.

Your pay should be quite fair. That is of course if your work is appreciated.In most cases, it is completely over looked, until there is a problem. at that time, they may only wonder why there is a problem in the first place. Especially if you do your job. So you have to  make it clear that hardware has life expectancies, software has boundaries, usually over shot by curious users. Make sure the higher ups know that you can fix the issues that arise, when they arise.

The hardest part is getting your point of view out there without a huge dispute or argument, especially if you have an overly argumentative I.T. co-worker.

That one guy who does not care what anyone says, he is nothing but correct. I try to not be him, but I notice it more in other IT guys though. Your safest bet is to note what the others are good at, and what you are good at and find a way to separate your duties from theirs and theirs from yours.  Also good to do is to have a decent understanding of what they do so you can fill in when they are not there. Do not learn it to step on their toes. Do not bother offering your information to any know it alls (lol all of us are know it alls). You will just start an I.Q. argument that way. Just trust he/she knows enough to get by while you are on vacation. Include the other persons “expertise” in your projects. Make it clear you are not giving up the project to their all knowing endless mental power, but you do appreciate their knowledge in certain fields and would like to include them. Same with you. If you are asked to help with a small portion of a project. do that . Get in, get out. Get on to a job you normally do. Don’t get roped in and don’t get pushed out.

Sorry all I got for now.