I.T. work and delusional customer requests

Sometimes people make some wild requests and get mad at you when you try and be rational with them.

Weird request:
customer: Yeah I want a computer that is a computer but not a computer but not a tablet because I don’t like them and I have enough laptops.
Me: I believe I am capable of providing you with what you require can you give a bit more detail?
customer: Sure. I want a computer that is there but you don’t see it and it able to do everything I need.
Me: Sure we can hide your computer like in a closet or something. What types of duties will this computer do that you need done?
customer: Everything.
Me: that sounds like you are very busy. Let me pass this on to our builders and I will get back to you with a quote.

Never call them back.

Email request
customer: I want my email to synch with everything.
Me: Everything? like what?
customer: Everything. and I want everything on my website to synch with my cell phone
Me: well that would be quite stressful on your battery
customer: So you are saying you can’t do it?
Me: no not saying that at all. Can you give me a list of things on your website you want to synch with your phone? I can start an RSS feed for you right away
customer: you know, the office alarm, excell,photoshop. Things of that nature
Me: you have photoshop on your website? That is quite impressive. How big is your phone???

Website request
customer: I want Microsoft exchange type service but not Microsoft exchange because it is too costly
Me: well there are plenty of open source solutions that should be less costly. What features in particular are you looking for?
customer: All of them. I want my calendar to sync with my phone email and my contacts to sync with my phone contacts
Me: well you don’t want your phone and email contacts to sync because that would be a lot of names to weed through
customer: oh so you’re saying you can’t do it? XXX company could do it.
me: well that’s not what I said sure I’ll get started right away.
several days later
customer: Hey why are there so many contacts in my phone now?
Me:……….

Virus Hunter
Me: I’ve had to disable your email from the server end while I scan your computer and the server to find out why you keep sending out so many email
customer: That’s fine, I will just send emails from my phone
Me: Well no, your account is disabled.
customer: I never gave you access to my phone, so I can still use it right? There shouldn’t be a virus on it, it’s an iPhone and I only surf using Chrome.
Me: Well that sounds safe enough…..

Every issue ever
customer: This never happens, I’m careful.

Password Persuasion
(over the phone)
Customer: Hey I.T. IT!!! HEY IT!! What did you change my password to?
Me: PassWord1 P is capitalized W is capitalized.
Customer: ok hang on the phone while I check
Me: That’s your password. it has no choice but to work
Customer: p-a-s-s-w-o-r-d-1-P-W
Me: no….. Hang on… I’m on my way…..