I.T. work and delusional customer requests

Sometimes people make some wild requests and get mad at you when you try and be rational with them.

Weird request:
customer: Yeah I want a computer that is a computer but not a computer but not a tablet because I don’t like them and I have enough laptops.
Me: I believe I am capable of providing you with what you require can you give a bit more detail?
customer: Sure. I want a computer that is there but you don’t see it and it able to do everything I need.
Me: Sure we can hide your computer like in a closet or something. What types of duties will this computer do that you need done?
customer: Everything.
Me: that sounds like you are very busy. Let me pass this on to our builders and I will get back to you with a quote.

Never call them back.

Email request
customer: I want my email to synch with everything.
Me: Everything? like what?
customer: Everything. and I want everything on my website to synch with my cell phone
Me: well that would be quite stressful on your battery
customer: So you are saying you can’t do it?
Me: no not saying that at all. Can you give me a list of things on your website you want to synch with your phone? I can start an RSS feed for you right away
customer: you know, the office alarm, excell,photoshop. Things of that nature
Me: you have photoshop on your website? That is quite impressive. How big is your phone???

Website request
customer: I want Microsoft exchange type service but not Microsoft exchange because it is too costly
Me: well there are plenty of open source solutions that should be less costly. What features in particular are you looking for?
customer: All of them. I want my calendar to sync with my phone email and my contacts to sync with my phone contacts
Me: well you don’t want your phone and email contacts to sync because that would be a lot of names to weed through
customer: oh so you’re saying you can’t do it? XXX company could do it.
me: well that’s not what I said sure I’ll get started right away.
several days later
customer: Hey why are there so many contacts in my phone now?
Me:……….

Virus Hunter
Me: I’ve had to disable your email from the server end while I scan your computer and the server to find out why you keep sending out so many email
customer: That’s fine, I will just send emails from my phone
Me: Well no, your account is disabled.
customer: I never gave you access to my phone, so I can still use it right? There shouldn’t be a virus on it, it’s an iPhone and I only surf using Chrome.
Me: Well that sounds safe enough…..

Every issue ever
customer: This never happens, I’m careful.

Password Persuasion
(over the phone)
Customer: Hey I.T. IT!!! HEY IT!! What did you change my password to?
Me: PassWord1 P is capitalized W is capitalized.
Customer: ok hang on the phone while I check
Me: That’s your password. it has no choice but to work
Customer: p-a-s-s-w-o-r-d-1-P-W
Me: no….. Hang on… I’m on my way…..

10 Reasons why you can’t hang on to employees

Sometimes an employee is just a bad employee or bad person. Often the person leaving a company truly feels as if they are being abused and mistreated or the working conditions and pay are not up to their standards.
For this article let’s just imagine a bunch of good employees leaving the company for reasons that have nothing to do with them other than them saying “I’ve had it, I’m out, forget this I quit”.
You might want to consider this if you have tried all other reasons and they don’t ever resolve the issue of people quitting and you constantly having to fill their spot.

10. Bad apple. You could have a bad apple in the bunch tainting the group with negativity that is unnecessary. Usually this guy has been around for a good while and is completely a different person around the upper staff.
9. Poor equipment. vehicles that break down a lot. Bad printer that never gets fixed. Bad tools that never get replaced but get new wads of tape every week.
8. Bad Hours.
7. Hostile environment. You have one or more employees that intimidate other employees or try to.
6. No reward system. Rewarding employees will help with moral.
5. Rare/irregular raises. You don’t give raises on a regular basis.
4. Runt of the group. The guy hired last gets all of the junk equipment. Told to do all of the grunt work and not ever getting any of the good work or any credit for the completion of a job.
3. Absence of a leader. Someone is in charge and gives commands but does not communicate with employees.
2. Boisterous Management. Be it they bring things to work all of the time that the employees could never afford, or they are rude to the employees and treat them as if they are inferior.
1. Your managers are your friends and their position is well upheld. On the basis that you are never going to fire them. It would be awkward to fire your friends.

Now these aren’t the only reasons people leave. and they may not be the reason that your employees quit, but in my experience these are the least talked about and most common reasons people quit a job. However i have seen a few articles where they run through a list of reasons people quit but they all seem to say the same things, things I never experienced. So i had to make this list. The reasons why most people quit. Other than other personal issues such as someone slept with someone’s spouse.

Morning Commute

iworkwithTime to start the day.
You have played your battle of wits and nerves with the alarm clock and it’s glitch called the “snooze button”. You realize that if you did it too long, the alarm clock will just give up and you … well you the victor are now the idiot who is running late to work.

  • Pants? check
  • Shirt? Check
  • Socks? They don’t match but your feet will be warm, Check.
  • Feed the cat.. can’t forget to feed the cat
  • Car keys? Check
  • Laptop bag? Check
  • Grab your morning coffee? Check

 

and Away we go.
First thing you notice is the neighbor across the street has guests over and they are parked in the street, making your morning back up, a bit of a task. No problem, I’ve got this. Nope… okay pull up a little and turn the wheel now back up while turning wheel the other way (and repeat).
You pull to the end of the street and stop at the stop sign and wait for the cars to pass, so you sip your coffee. Bitter but after a couple of sips you normally begin to enjoy it. Okay your break is coming up. After this car. Why is he slowing down? Is he turning? no… He’s going.. .. awe man, he’s going to stop right in fricken front of you. If the crazy guy on the corner would cut those stupid bushes you would see that there is a long line, waiting on the red light that never sympathizes. Well okay. Another sip of that dang coffee. Probably not enough time to change the radio or flick around facebook on the phone, so just sip that coffee. Oh good they’re moving now, but here comes a new herd of “back of the neighborhood cattle”, just in time to park in front of you again. That’s fine just back up before this guy coming down the road blocks you in, you can always leave at the other end of the street. You turn around and look in your mirror. The guy never even stopped at the sign. They just let him shoot right through.
Okay, on the main road now.
Three open lanes Nice plush ride in the dark. Woo hoo. I’ll just move over one lane for this guy that just pulled out. Plenty of road for both of us. Nope he’s a racer. Why is this guy speeding up? Okay I will slow down and set cruise control and let this guy go. Must be in a hurry or something.Hmm. Wonder why he decided to slow down and ride right next to me. Maybe something’s wrong with my car and he’s over there freaking out trying to get my attention. Better turn down the radio and stare at the gauges for a second. Just a tad too dark out to see anything going on in that car, but really. I don’t see any smoke in my rear view, no extra sounds from the car. Gauges look the same as the other days. What the heck? What’s that glow in his car? Oh… He’s texting and staying next to me to maintain speed. Nice.
STOMP ON BRAKES!!!!!!

HAHAHAHAHA. Freaked that one out..

On with the show.

Make it to the freeway, see every SUV in the city gathered together making wall of slow fat vehicles preventing people from doing 5 over the speed limit of greater. Well okay.. one more suv.. he must really want to get with the heard of little fat men and soccer moms because he sure is ridding my bumper.
Just a mile to go before interchange to move to the toll-road for the commute. And traffic is slowed to a crawl. 10 minutes go by and you have passed the NOTHING what-so-ever that was slowing traffic down. Whatever. but why every single day/ why is it such a confusing task to move from freeway to toll road?

Get to toll booth after a few sips between roll forward, stop roll forwards, and toss change in the machine and roll on. Now comes the “first” race to get a lane as the road merges together. Cool now coming up on the section where the  road opens up to 6 lanes. Time to pass this new heard of SUVs  cluttered together.

Now you wonder if you should get off the tollroad before the next interchange and work your way through the neighborhoods to the spot you need, or go past then exit and u-turn. Screw u-turns.

Now is about the time you remember your lunch sitting on the counter thawing out . Well the cat’s going to eat well today.

Man, this side of the city, the right turn lane doesn’t mean anything here.
Stop in the store right before the office, and grab your breakfast pastry and redbull or rockstar or monster or whatever it is you drink  just before lunch to give yourself jitters. walk up to pay and notice that you are 15 people back. Seems the local lawn care crew is there in 4 trucks.  Seriously, a bunch of dudes under 5’7″ should not be wearing light blue shirts with white writing. and yes the guy with the white beard really makes you wish one was a blond girl. Man I want to buy these guys white hats.
Finally leaving the store 2 minutes from the office and already 7 minutes late.
And someone let the herd out. Jeez. Stores should be further away from red lights.

Made it to the office, worked way through crowd of people who you work with but will never know but for some reason they always stand RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE DOOR to talk in the mornings. Start coffee because none of these people feel like they are allowed to, or just can’t figure out water and crush black stuff.

Half way through eating your breakfast pastry you finally take a look to see why it tastes so weird.

Okay day is off to a great start. It’s better than yesterday at least.

What do you do when the company closes?

closed
What do you do when the company closes?
When you start seeing people get laid off left and right, when you see them all dropping in large groups. When you hear customers calling about unreceived services, and you see a new bald patch on the boss’s head, do you duck cover and run? Do you wait it out and see if you are that one special person they want to keep? what would that mean? I mean, if they keep you and let EVERYONE else go. What does that say about you? Does this mean your work ethics are the strongest? Does this mean you are loyal? Or the scary side… Does it mean you are gullible? does it mean that all this time you have been working for less than everyone else and you are so cheap, keeping you will not be an issue? Is that bad? I mean if you were fine with it, and your pay doesn’t stop. Then you’re good to go. Right?

I say start backing up all of your personalized settings and tools, to your phone. then delete them off of the computer/server you have been using and prepare yourself to be ready when the ship fully submerges.

Start job hunting now. Think of everything you do there that no one else does, and consider those for points of interest on your job applications and resume. Also think of the things you love to do and explain how you can do those all day. Just remember, people pay you and value by the things that you do that they don’t want to do.. In this case, while you are freaking out to find a nice dry place to land, think of all of the crap that all of the employees always complained about having to do, and what they always came to you to get help with and make those your strong points on your resume.

For now, my choice is How a designer deals with a lay off.
emptying_office

Walmart Thanksgiving 2012

Walmart thanksgiving 2012
Walmart thanksgiving 2012

Every year, all Walmart employees are required to work through Thanksgiving. This is in preparation for the after-Thanksgiving-sale called “black Friday”. The employees show up, the store gets locked down and the trucks roll in with all of the merchandise that is to be set out on the floors for the morning rush.
It’s a holiday tradition in the United states. It motivates sales.Motivates giving and assures many people will get a present for Christmas, because the prices are so low.

2012 There has been a huge announcement of a walkout and a strike that is supposed to happen at all Walmart locations across the United States because of employees having to work for the holiday.

All Walmart employees know that Walmart does not allow worker Unions come into their company. And well, the worker’s Unions do not like that. For many years, the worker’s Unions have tried many underhanded deceptive tricks to get into Walmart. Usually they buy out some neswpaper columnist and get a hoopla going about angry employees that never existed. This time they used Facebook and twitter and other social media sites with Image memes to create a false outrage. This year it looked like it was about to happen.

What the unions did here is they created a fake protest. and tried to motivate employees of walmart to walk out on the job. If this would have happened, they would have lead the employees to call for Unions. These people tried to create an anger and disgruntlement where anger and disgruntlement were not. Like the bully at school trying to get two kids to fight by whispering in both of their ears ‘Awe did you hear what he just said? I wouldn’t take that”. If this is not a sign that worker Unions are deceptive, then I don’t know how to make you see.

The way you know this is a union scam to try and make Walmart budge, is no one wanted to help the gas station attendants. They work every year. every holiday. even when everything is closed in the country, the gas station is right there. Because you have to get home that day.

2012 Thanksgiving at Walmart
2012 Thanksgiving at Walmart

Well that picture is from the walmart in Humble Texas. No one on strike. Employees excited for the food in the back being prepared for them and the higher pay (holiday pay). So if mainstream news shows any different, then you at least two things to go by because that picture was taken today at approximately 11:57 . 3 minutes to noon. See anyone on strike?

It seems the internet gung-ho hipster jump on the bandwagon and defend the people, groups care more about solving this fake issue than the actual employees who are excited about double pay, and excessive amounts of food and low customer count (since everyone is with family right now) they get for working today.

Just a day at the Office

My sinus is flipping out. so…
Walked to the drug store and back, on way back as I got near the entrance to the building, lady cuts across my path scurrying to finish her cigarette and put it i the ashtray. I hold my breath as I walk past because she is blowing puffs as she steps..

I get to the door, the lady sprints as if I am going to let this smelly woman walk in front of me. I do push it open really wide behind me. She has this confused look as if she is too weak and fearful to open a damn door by herself. I continue on my way. she turns left at the mailboxes but stops and watches me push the button on the elevator. She scurried to ride with me on the elevator.
GRRRRRR STINKY GO CHECK YOUR DAMN MAIL!!!

So she gets on the elevator . I am holding my breath. just 4 floors. I can still smell it anyway. She smelled like she was currently smoking in the elevator. So she must have put away quite a few of them in her 5 minute break.
but now she’s trying to start a conversation. I mean come on.. it’s just 20 seconds. what can we possibly talk about? let me hold my breath.

She exits at the third floor I slightly smile and wave. (actually I recently realized that smile looks insane so I try not to do it). I continue up to the fourth floor.
I exit the elevator, while 4 (ZOMG STRIPPER CHEERLEADERS) females (I assume are coming from the rehabilitation office that we share a floor with ) push past me into the elevator, then they all look at me with disgusted faces and one says out loud “Nasty, why do rednecks still do that?”

I was already mad.

I turned to her and said “To chase off the drug addict skanks”.

It’s the whole carelessness/cluelessness of the lady. Totally inconsiderate and expecting me to go out of my way to be kind to her?
That’s the big problem these days. Everyone expects someone else to “be the better man”.
Well.. screw that I’m not going to be the only “better man” there is.

How we Miss life trying to win at life

I was in a Dollar store earlier. and this big fat dude who had the look of an obese doctor with baby soft skin, breathing heavy when he talked, said to this other guy who looked like he was in construction, fit and toned with rough sun beat skin , the fat guy said and I quote,
“Work smart, not hard”.

Then he smiled and winked some weird grin of “ha?? you get it?? I passed on wonderful advice, sound advice. Worship me”.

I leaned in and looked at the man’s belly and said “with how you are breathing, you clearly misunderstand the word ‘smart’ “.

See the point here is that the guy who is out of shape, gets to enjoy nothing, except sitting on his butt all day. Sure he has more money than the guy who works construction. But his life is no match for the healthy skinnier guy.

I am sure the doctor is reading all of these book and studies on how to raise healthy children, but ten to one says his kids are obese also, and going to have health issues like heart problems and diabetes.

While the guy who works construction might not be able to pay for certain things like cool shoes cool clothes and cool cars, but why are those things important?

What’s important is food air and shelter. Everything else is how you decorate those items. Decorations change with trends, trends force you to make changes that earlier you wouldn’t have done

How long you live to experience your life, matters also.
What you do as experiences, matters also.

I would rather be a broke man climbing in a tree to see if I can see the skycrapers of my city, than a rich man in a wheelchair in Hawaii, simply because I’m too fat to walk.

See the part we are missing here, is for generations, humans worked for what they wanted. Working hard was a badge of honor. You worked hard every day, or you got nothing. That work, is what kept our ancestors strong. but now we decide to say “work smart not hard” and think getting a gym membership will solve everything.

Wrong. It’s a membership and at any time you can refuse to go. You can cancel your membership. Yeah there is a monetary penalty for canceling but you won’t care. It’s your money and your body.

So now you make more money than the guy in shape and you spend more money on getting in shape. Don’t forget, more time. Time is a matter here. Your kids never see you . Work – Gym – sleep. Occasionally take a vacation and sit somewhere getting pushed around in a wheel chair. Get massages and sit in a hot tub. 30 yards from the beach where poor people are surfing and having fun and enjoying life.

Now the real question is:

Why does the man with the laziest job get the most pay, while the man with the most active body using labor, get the least pay? Which one is doing the job that most people would rather not do ? Shouldn’t the job that no one wants to do, be worth more than the job that everyone wants to do ?

The reality of this is amazing. How our standards are skewed by our own desire to fit in.

Work Place Pretty

pretty_at_work_only
pretty at work only

Elemental pretty. It’s that state of sexy that a woman becomes when she is the prettiest person with in a small throwing distance.

Back in 1998-1999 I worked for a Wal~Mart in Spring Texas. It was the worst time of my life. I mean the work was nothing, I just had sunk to the lowest in my life. I was working for some $9 an hour chump with a superiority complex, who worked for some $11 an hour woman who tried to push herself off as some executive queen. Meanwhile she was getting people raises that didn’t deserve them, and giving special attention to the two laziest, employees in the business. One of them was a fairly nice guy, the other was apparently hurt in some accident. He was cross eyed really bad, and would point with his index finger and pinky, pointing in separate directions. Not a good idea to ask him where things go. They were both dumb and worthless. They carried a walkie and could be found in the storage area at anytime (if not in the break room) Sitting somewhere telling stories to each other. The walky was for warnings when someone above the manager (who favored them) was walking into the building.

There was one girl that all of the Eminem bleach haired overnight suburban white gangsters had fallen in love with. She worked our electronics section of our Wal~Mart. I wasn’t particular entertained by much about her. She had a hairy face, and the blue contacts looked gray on her brown eyes, it was kind of dumb looking. But one day I decided I would give it a go. Maybe to show the “Pimps”  (all of the pale kids who wanted to sound more Gangsta) how a man entertains a woman.  as I walked up to her, I found myself thinking “WTF are you doing??? She works at wal~mart and is not attractive at all” and lost my nerve. I stood in front of her and said “um-uh”. So….. now she thinks she is so dang pretty, she made me crumble. She rolled her contacts and flipped her hair and walked away laughing. I stood there….. dumb. Lost for words. I didn’t want to be the lesser person and tell her why I was about to do what I failed at.

Now anyone who knows me, knows that I like computers. Electronics is where the computers are. In those days, I was making my $5.50 an hour and wishing I could save money for a video card for my lump of junk computer. The video card was on the top shelf in the back of the electronics department. I kept walking back there when no one was around, and would push the video card back behind other products, because… well.. one day I was going to have the extra $90 to buy it. I was always scared that wal~mart would stop carrying computer parts, since they seemed to never sell anything except cd cases from the computer area. So I would hide the video card.

Well a couple times I would come back out of there, and there she is. Me looking like I just did something sneaky, gave the sneaky vibe. To her, it was a creepy vibe. Well one day I decided I would offer an apology  and bring her a flower.  Well that wasn’t rational thinking. Rumors and an overblown ego, now she reported me to the manager. Crap!!!

I quit that job the next week.

I did buy that video card. It was junk.

Look. Don’t hit on the girl at work. If she isn’t hitting on you, don’t hit on her. She isn’t interested. If you throw an unwarranted flirt out to someone who is not interested, you are not going to have good results. On top of that, she is only pretty with in a small vicinity.  Find someone outside of the work place who is interested in you. I promise that the ugliest you can find outside of the work place, will be prettier than what you find with in the work place. Especially if it’s wal~mart.
Understand that being pretty only at work, is going to be ugly outside of work. You hit on her while you work, you are going to hate it when you get her alone away from work. When you change the element and she is no longer pretty, you are going to treat her that way (eventually) and that will make for a rough time when you do get back into the work environment.

So DON’T do it!

That dang Coworker

We all have That dang Coworker that gets you upset about stuff that you can never explain.
I have that coworker. (I can’t type coworker without thinking Cow Orker… what the heck is an orker?)
You know y, that one coworker who just does not agree to work with anyone. If you bring to her, items that are her job she treats you like you are smacking her with a stick and telling her to work harder.

There is a lady in the shipping department here at our office. You have plans or OEM Manuals (instruction booklet with warranties)  that you have to send out to the customer or contractor, who might not be local to your region, you go to her and she ships the content for you. Simple right? Nope. She will say ” Can’t ! Come back when you have it right”. and you are left puzzled. You did all of your part. Why is she making it weird?. So you come back 5 times after you fixed something here and there that she probably doesn’t even realize is being done. and you say “WHY? WHY CAN’T YOU SHIP THIS?”. She replies ” I don’t have an envelope that fits those”. %^#$%^. You see a plethora of envelopes of all sizes around her. You grab (within her arm reach) the first one and stuff your items in it, put an address on the envelope and hand it to her she says “see, now was that so hard?”. @$%^$#%.

But she … She…. She is shipping and receiving, and you are manuals. Why are you now the package stuffer and libeler so she can just call the local shipping company and have them haul it off?

She wonders why her butt is so big.

Lazy, waste of desk space.

Worst Cubicle Ever

Maybe this isn’t, Maybe this is…. The worst cubicle ever
Here at the office we have many of  a different crowd of people. We have our country boy, we have our (possibly still part time) ex-stripper , we have our resident geeks, the musician, the mother of what seems like 20 babies, we have the girl who part times as a”representative” Actually she is the person who stands around in grocery stores advertising different snacks. and then…. and then we have this guy.

This is not the section of the building we store our unused items. Look at the prime location, corner of the room nearest the window. Here’s the size of our Office Space

So… This guy is a fricken rat. I mean he doesn’t stink up the office but he sure is a messy dude.
And yes that white bottle holds lotion in it.
Have you seen a cubicle worse than this? Maybe this isn’t what you would call the worst cubicle in the world, but to me it is the worst cubicle I have ever seen.
The boxes, are full junk, like thrown out tabs, the outer pages of spiral notebooks once the inner paper is removed. How does someone get to where their cubicle can be such a junk pile ?
Funny thing, no one goes into his office space just because they have no need to be near his cubicle. But me being the IT guy, I have to go there like twice a week.

His Garbage can is completely empty. My coworkers do not understand why I am amazed by this.